Tag Archives: Barry Bonds

Spring Fling / Give Him a Ring / Leave Him Crying: NL East Edition

Finally. Belatedly. Past-waiver-trade-deadline-ishly. Kinda-sorta-almost-Octobery. We rise from the ooze of June Swoons, the Heart of Hell from which July stabs at thee, and the autumnal sunlight that signals pigskin is here in a meaningful way to pick, from a sample of three, one to ‘Date’, one to ‘Marry’, and one to ‘Kick to the Curb’. The Subjects? All 30 MLB rosters.  The Objective? To provide you with a cursory introduction to some of the players and concepts we value… and hate. You know it. You love it. It’s…

Sweet Nothings and Hardball’s “Spring Summer Fall Fling / Give Him A Ring / Leave Him Crying” Game!

Spring Fling
: Ready to give a season to this player, but for any number of reasons it probably won’t work out long-term.

Give Him a Ring: Ready to commit to this player for at least 3 seasons.

Leave him Crying: Ready to be cold and heartless because sometimes we don’t want to be masochists anymore.

Players must have accrued MLB service time this season to qualify as entrants.


Presented in order of standings on September 23, 2014.

Washington Nationals
Atlanta Braves
New York Mets
Miami Marlins
Philadelphia Phillies

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Spring Fling / Give Him A Ring / Leave Him Crying: NL Central BONUS Edition


Emilio Bonifacio – 2B/3B/SS/OF

MLB: Chicago Cubs at Pittsburgh Pirates

Take out a piece of paper and a writing instrument, class; it is time for a brief lesson on Small Sample Size and Ree-ee-gression!

Wait, what? Yes, I suppose the back of the test I just returned to you and your neighbor’s highlighter will do, but please come to class with all of your crap next time.

This was originally going to a bonus second Cubs “Left Crying” in our NL Central Edition of Spring Fling / Give Him A Ring / Leave Him Crying, but it took on a life of its own and became too large to be included in that post. I simply could not pass on the opportunity to briefly celebrate the cruel, heartless bitch that is regression. Of course, real statisticians (and sabremetricians) will consider this concept elementary, but it is nonetheless fun to ponder. I need to preface that I do not really have anything against Emilio Bonfacio – he is somewhat unremarkable and largely inoffensive, though I would never go out of my way to fling with him or present to him a ring (per the paradigm of the larger series of which this post is a rogue offshoot) – the opening to his 2014 campaign has so perfectly encapsulated this statistical concept in which I place a great deal of value that I simply could not pass up the opportunity to use and abuse Bonifacio’s poor little heart for my selfish purposes. Continue reading Spring Fling / Give Him A Ring / Leave Him Crying: NL Central BONUS Edition