2014 World Series Matchup Power Rankings

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Click to enlarge... if you dare.
Click to enlarge… if you dare.

What?You were expecting two baseball teams? Two football teams? Two teams at all? Maybe you were expecting a certain Captain for some completely indeterminable reason? No, the reality is that it is Joe Buck’s world, and we are all just renting. We will all get to hear Joe Buck talk, and that is exactly how Joe Buck would have it. You can loathe it. You can fight it. You can cry about it. You will not escape it, and you will take it. Happy watching listening, trolls.

That said, we should probably take a moment to acknowledge what Joe Buck would want in a matchup. It must be said, yet again, that Buck once did play-by-play for the St. Louis Cardinals – this after his father, Jack Buck, made a hall of fame career out of calling game for the St. Louis Cardinals. Buck the Younger even got to call games with Buck the Elder a few times. The Cardinals are not only in his blood honestly, but were no doubt among his first loves as a child. A child’s loves are often more powerful and enduring than many or all of an adult’s loves – I know this because I read it in a book once, there is an internet website that says it is so, a therapist of mine has hinted at it, and because I still root for the San Francisco 49ers even though all physical, circumstantial, and karmic evidence suggests that the organization is full of absolutely repugnant and repulsive people. You cannot tell me that the Cardinals do not mean something to Joe Buck, even if he half-heartedly strives for objectivity – because of these reasons that science will undoubtedly confirm and because of this:

Credit: Patrick Devine - twitter.com/ThePatDown
Credit: Patrick Devine – twitter.com/ThePatDown

“What is ‘this?'” you ask? ‘This’ is a screen capture of the Fox Sports 1 booth crew about to launch into their postgame recap mere moments after the Giants defeated the Cardinals on a walkoff throwing error by reliever Randy Choate. Yes, it is most certainly a perfectly timed capture, and we all make curious faces in any given moment, but do not try to tell me that that face lacks emotion. That face tells me something, and that something is that the small child in Joe Buck was very sad at that moment. Using that transitive property that I once heard about in a high school geometry class, I will surmise that Joe Buck does NOT want his World Series to include any San Francisco Giants in it. Rest easy, buddy – your vote counts at least as much as any of the rest of ours.

Quality of Ball
(On a Scale of 1-5 Joe Bucks)
5 Joe Buck
Likelihood Fox Executive Will Inflict Severe Self-Harm
(On a Scale of 1-5 Joe Bucks)


 Joe Buck is a National Treasure


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